more alive

Trauma

2010-04-24T18:38:00.003+01:00

The recognition and treatment of trauma is something I'm really into at the moment. Its effects on the mind and in the body can be long-lasting, surprising, diverse, disruptive, confusing.

Here are a couple of links to get you going:
Peter Levine on YouTube
Interview with Peter Levine
(You'll have to use the "back" link to return to this page)

I did some sessions of Peter Levine's therapy, Somatic Experiencing, in the last few weeks, and will be starting the three year training in May 2010.

Meditation

2010-04-17T03:43:00.004+01:00

Meditation's a funny old thing. So many different ways to do it, and so many people assuming that their way is the only way. Not true! Most people seem to claim to have tried it, however half-heartedly, but few persevere.

I've several times been told that being on my massage table gives a client their first experience of what it's like to be without thoughts. That they've tried meditating, and failed; the monkey mind continues to trouble them and does not relent.

Is that the point, though? Here's a great brief guide to, and advertisement for, meditation: http://www.mentalworkout.com/guides/guide-to-meditation. I think it's great, and I'm very happy to pass it on as a reference. When I read the list of benefits to meditation, it's hard for me to see why people don't want to try it.

Another bit of advice I found useful early on in my own practice was that people have to find their own way into meditation. This was stated in a book, and it immediately made sense to me.

So, why not give it a try? If you live locally to me and would like to join a meditation group, please get in touch, as I've been hoping to get a small group together for some time and it would be a delight to get started.

Slow down and reconnect

2010-03-17T07:53:00.002Z

I had some new leaflets printed this year, with the following slogan on the front:

Make 2010 the year you slow down and reconnect with your self

World Slow Day apparently missed the UK, but it seems to have been celebrated with gusto in Italy, according to this article. If you've not read Carl Honore's book "In Praise of Slow" I suggest you do so - it's a good wake up call. As an introduction, you might like to listen to his talk on TED/YouTube. There are chapters in the book on complementary therapies (including massage) and exercise (including Tai Chi/Chi Kung).

Food for thought!

Can you "fail" at Chi Kung?

2010-02-11T11:36:00.008Z

The press are saying that Prince Charles "failed" at Chi Kung (see, for e.g. Daily Telegraph or Daily Mail articles). I'm not usually one to follow the news, but this hot topic was brought to my attention when I was invited to talk on BBC Three Counties Radio as a Chi Kung "expert" earlier today. It was fun and I'm delighted that the presenter apparently enjoyed our chat as heartily as I did!

So, can you "fail" at Chi Kung? And, more specifically, did Price Charles "fail"?

Naturally, Price Charles dropping his energy balls was always going to be a great line for the press ... the media love to pounce on failure when it comes to celebrities, even better royalty, and the dodgy anatomical reference must have been a great bonus. Accordingly, the photos they've used of him aren't exactly flattering; the poor guy is in a double-breasted suit, which doesn't give him much freedom of movement through his chest and shoulders, and in some images he even appears to be grimacing.

Nevertheless, the guy did it! He moved. He played along. And for him to have dropped his energy ball, he must at least have made contact with it in the first place. Considering that he was on an official visit and would have had most of his focus on the people around him rather than on his internal awareness during what must have been a very short taster session of Chi Kung, I'd say he did OK. The restrictions he described in one arm following two fractures a few years ago can't have helped. And he may have got the giggles ... but what's wrong with that? Many find the slow and mindful movements of Chi Kung strange or even disconcerting to start with (and any awkwardness also potentially embarrassing if others are watching you). People may react in a variety of ways to this, and laughing would certainly be preferable from an energetic perspective to tightening up or becoming inhibited. I think it's great if people get a good belly laugh in class! If it isn't fun or enjoyable in some way, nobody is likely to pursue Chi Kung for long.

What is "failure" anyway? It's just a judgement. So many of my students seem to come to class with an in-built double bind; that they ought to be able to get it right, but they will inevitably be getting it wrong. I go round offering corrections and they wince and whinge in anticipation of condemnation, yet I can't really imagine what they could possibly do to fail. It's all in their head. Even someone whose inner critic is so harsh that they feel unable even to attempt a movement has not failed; they're succeeding in being honest and authentic and I'm happy to coax and support them along.

Chi Kung is often seen as just a practice for physical health or well-being. For sure it makes you healthier, more supple/balanced/coordinated/calmer/less emotional etc. - but I reckon it has the potential to offer a whole lot more - something much deeper and more fundamental.

There's a vulnerability that we open ourselves up to in learning and carrying out a new movement. "Stuff" can come up. Because Chi Kung classes are predominantly non-verbal and minimally interactional, they give us a real opportunity to face our tendencies to either over- or under-rate our own performance, and to experience whatever emotions arise in response to these judgements. We can just be with what is; nobody is asking you to be other than as you are. You do what you can, from wherever you find yourself, and that's all you have to do. There's nowhere to hide! This is simple but very powerful. Each person works on his or herself. From one perspective, we are all attempting to master the same form, to do the same thing "correctly" ... but from another, we are all just being ourselves. Just be, relax, move, flow and enjoy.

It will always remain my intention that "failure" does not play a part in my classes.

Tips on presence?

2010-01-21T07:23:00.004Z

I've started receiving daily Enneathoughts from the Enneagram Institute. Some of them are pretty cool! They give pointers to exploring that I habitually do to distract myself from being simply present in my life - and therefore a potential route out.

But, if you don't know what the Enneagram is, this isn't going to mean much.

Briefly, the Enneagram is an ancient symbol which describes, within the three shapes it is made up from, the notions of a) unity, b) what makes up life, and c) how life flows. In the last century it has been developed and applied to psychology by various teachers (notably Don Riso and Russ Hudson from the EI) to describe nine personality types.

The reason I like the Enneagram (and have mentioned it to several of my clients) is that it is taught not as a way of enabling me to say "Oh, do I'm a [particular type] ... that's why I do X and Y and Z, and that's the end of it; I'm stuck!" No, the Enneagram is taught based on the understanding that we are not our personality types. We are something more fundamental than that - Essence, Presence, Consciousness, our Essential or Authentic Self - call it what you will. Our Enneagram type masks our real self. Our type description shows us all the ways in which our ego routinely operates to take us away from presence - from reality. How we mis-interpret situations, how we over (or under) react, how we view the world, how we avoid intimacy and connection.

So ... if this appeals, I suggest you go explore the Enneagram Institute web site, read some of the type descriptions and/or do their on-line type-identification questionnaires.

Mindfulness

2010-01-20T10:00:00.004Z

Here's an interesting article that I discovered while browsing on Facebook (of whcih I confess to being a bit of an addict:

How Mindfulness can Make for Better Doctors (New York Times)
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/15/health/15chen.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1

The article focusses on a change of mental attitude - the intent to practise mindfulness - being fully present to and aware of (or even immersed in) what you are doing. In this state, things become almost effortless, helping to prevent burnout.

However, this end result can also be an outcome of regular bodwork - either hands on bodywork which brings you into your body (like my biodynamic massage therapy) or some form of exercise in which you are encouraged to really feel your body (like my Dragon and Tiger Chi Kung), whcih is not so much the case with many Western forms of exercise (running, football, tennis, cycling etc.). Achieving this kind of mindfulness is effortless - it just happens - life flows.

Anyone interested in a radical discussion of mindfulness might look at Zen Buddhist Brad Warner's musings on the topic. Be warned that he doesn't spare readers from strong language, however!

Changing the way you move

2010-01-05T18:28:00.002Z

I just wanted to share this inspiring article about how bodywork and movement can dramatically change the way you experience your body. Wonderful stuff! Biodynamic massage and Chi Kung have changed the way I live in my own body in a similar but less dramatic way, and this is what underlies my motivation to do what I do.

Learning his body, learning to dance (New York Times)

Happy New Year?

2009-12-31T13:08:00.002Z

It's New Year's Eve and all my Facebook friends seem to be posting "Happy New Year" messages. I don't really "celebrate" the New Year: I'll be going to bed just as usual tonight, and when that happens will depend more on how redecorating the sitting room is going than on whether it's before or after midnight. However, the year end can provide a convenient point from which to reflect on the past and look forwards to the future.

I've just returned from over three weeks in the USA, amongst other things attending a beautiful five night silent retreat with Adyashanti, and staying with the very friendly community at OneTaste. It's been a rich time for me, and I've already scheduled my next trip for a couple of weeks around Easter. I'm finding myself simultaneously reflecting on and trying to gain more mileage from various learnings and enjoying a newfound sense of what one might call "the eternal now."

2009 may be the end of the decade, but for me it also seems like a year which has marked the end of a personal era. I've been doing many new things--new ways of being in the world (at the start of this decade I had never experienced complementary therapies, no mind started to practise myself ... nor had I started to explore spirituality)--and this year I've lost a much loved "heart friend" in the death of my German Shorthaired Pointer, Oscar.

2010 brings many new adventures: the first group classes and weekend workshops of my Chi Kung teaching, which I'm really excited about ... the start of three new professional trainings in disciplines I've had in the back of my mind to study for some time ... and a determination to both stop participating in various things which don't really serve me (the amount of time I spend on Facebook, for example!) and start to open up new areas in my personal life.

Most of all, however, I look forward to continuing to welcoming life, and encouraging my clients to do the same. It may be an over-used cliche to say that life is the path and not the destination, but it's very true. Both biodynamic massage and Chi Kung are powerful ways of emphasising the simple enjoyment of being present to what is ... every moment is fresh and new; you don't have to wait for another year to pass in order to celebrate this simple truth!

Are you enjoying this?

2009-06-08T10:01:00.006+01:00

The issue of enjoying yourself came up on my Chi Kung teacher training this weekend. Joy -- as in enjoyment -- is an interesting thing. (Of course, on another level, it's totally uninteresting; it's just joy!).

If you have a practice -- be it Chi Kung, some other form of fitness training or sport, meditation or massage (giving or receiving) -- you're not likely to want to do it regularly if you don't to some extent enjoy it or get something from it which brings you enjoyment. If this enjoyment only comes from the sense of achievement or release which comes at the end, however, you're into a cyclical "no pain, no gain" activity which can easily become exhausting or never-ending. Nevertheless, there is also something to be gained from being with difficult times ... this is perhaps why the word "practice" is used; there's a sense of experimenting, of feeling things out, in order to get closer to "getting it right" -- like practising a piece on a musical instrument until you are accomplished enough to perform it, to bring it to life and make it real.

But what would it mean to "get it right?" Can joy be available at all times? I like to look at the Chinese characters for joy in considering this. There are two of them; Xi and Le. Xi is sometimes translated as elation; the character depicts singing and music making, describing the feeling we have when we typically might say we are enjoying ourselves or "having a good time." Le, however, depicts music making of a more serious nature, with ceremonial drums which are used to make contact with the spirits; it is the feeling we have when things are going as they should, in the natural order of things. In Chinese medicine, the pathology of Xi is to have too much ... whereas the pathology of Le is not to have enough. Joy is said to "loosen" our energy -- as will a good massage, a peaceful meditation or Chi Kung session; the reverse will however happen if we argue against the way things are, so that we tighten and brace ourselves against life.

So, it's really very simple; if your practice is going as it should, if you are not fighting yourself or the situation you find yourself in, then you will feel joy. If you are doing something which involves conflict or internal division, then you will not experience that looseness, that joy (Le) ... though you may of course experience a great release and elation (Xi) when the practice ends. It's a good question to work with with if you experience difficulties -- in any area of your life, not just within your practice.

Energy balancing

2009-05-04T08:53:00.003+01:00

Gee, I've not been on here in ages ...

Just a quick entry for now.

Talking about energy can have different effects on people. It might intrigue you, it could turn you off. It can be labelled as "esoteric" or "spiritual." Some folks like to get all scientific about it, talking about vibrational rates, fields -- even quantum physics. Others go for "alternative health speak" such as chakras, meridians, channels, reflex zones etc.

So, what does it mean when I talk about "balancing your energy?" I believe the simplest and most immediate way to convey this is with the concepts of "being yourself" or "coming home." If you're being yourself, you're being truthful and you're acting naturally -- "going with the flow of the world." You're not excruciatingly torn in two about whether to take those few extra hours of sleep you've been meaning to catch up on, or whether to go to your friend's party. Such dilemmas may be there, but that's all - they're just "there." You're accepting of them and you have an inner conviction that you either know now what's right for you to do, or you will when the time comes for a decision to be required. It's no big deal. You're not holding your breath, raising your shoulders, clenching your fists, tightening your belly about it all in stress. Things are as they are. Life is good, whatever comes. You're "comfortable in yourself" -- AND you're in touch with the world outside, as it is. There's no hardness, no real conflict.

There may be deeper interpretations of the expression "coming home," but for most people this is a phrase which has an immediate resonance. And now we're back to the "energy speak" ...

Moving energy

2008-11-29T12:16:00.007Z

As a biodynamic massage therapist, I interact with my client's energy. For me, this is an almost entirely intuitive process -- I make contact, and immediately there's a sense in me which kind of says "What's needed?" or "What does this body want?". It's not as cognitive as that though: images or impressions may come to mind, and things that happen may seem to make sense at some level, but mostly my hands just get on with it.

That's not to say I'm not involved. I am! It's very absorbing -- sessions just flow very naturally. For it to be otherwise would seem wrong to me - unnatural.

I remember a conversation with chi kung teacher Chris Chappell in which he was reminiscing about his own experiences of doing massage. He described becoming frustrated that his clients weren't moving their energy for themselves. This comment struck me very much and has since occupied my thoughts from time to time. Several things arise from it:

People do change as a result of regular biodynamic massage sessions -- i.e. they do start to move their own energy. This happens very spontaneously, and sometimes surprisingly: "My gosh, I actually told my boss that I couldn't do what he asked me to do!" ... or those clients who find themselves starting to relax more, doing more of what they want to do, or putting up a punch bag in order to get in touch with pent-up anger and aggression. People also become more aware of their bodies and of their natural inclinations -- rather than just of their ego-driven thoughts.

From another standpoint, there's also the argument that we actually can't move our own energy. We more allow it to move -- or maybe even it moves us!

In chi kung, small movements create the biggest energy movement. It doesn't take a huge amount to create a big shift. The way that small movement is made -- with what degree and nature of focus, awareness, intent -- is however all important. Chris's chi kung teaching happens within a space which fosters this kind of attitude; other chi kung classes I've been to don't. Similarly, other experiences of biodynamic massage that I've had don't.

In my earlier blog, I talked about meeting the client. This seems to be a linking factor through all of these points. A key result of feeling met is that I feel free to be most myself. My awareness is not engaged in resisting anything, so I can just be as I am. As Jean Klein is quoted as saying, "In your absence is your presence" -- in moments of feeling met, the struggle to hold my position as someone who is in opposition to other people, or to life, disappears. You could almost say that I disappear -- and life just happens. Energy flows. And, ironically, I then truly come to meet myself in a very real and authentic sense.

In any case, can I really move my client's energy? It's an interesting question! Perhaps all I do is interact with the client in a way which they feel met and get an experience in which their energy is allowed to flow. In order to do this I have to both get out of the way as much as possible for them, but also be entirely present within myself. It's a curious balance, but a most enjoyable one!

What's in a name?

2008-11-23T17:38:00.009Z

If there was one thing I wished about biodynamic massage, it would be that it had a different name. Biodynamic doesn't mean a lot to most people. The usual explanation goes that bio means life, and dynamic means force or movement; from this, it doesn't take a huge amount of intelligence to come to a meaning of life force or life movement--terms often used for energy in complementary therapy speak.

But what does this mean, exactly? Your average GP likely wouldn't have much of a clue what energy is within the context of the human body. Even if he or she did (and if he or she cared), they wouldn't necessarily be much better informed as to what biodynamic massage actually involves--does it work with meridians, pressure points, reflex zones, chakras or auras? might it involve some kind of channelling?

For me at least, biodynamic massage has a pretty simple notion of energy. Someone with a red face has a lot of energy in their face. Someone with cold feet doesn't have a lot of energy there. If I feel that someone's sacrum feels stoney or tight, then there's contracted energy and little movement--but if it has a quality of soft, juicy aliveness then energy is flowing through that region of the body.

Put the other way around--from the client's perspective--if it feels good, then it's likely healthy. If it doesn't, then it's probably not.

Energy therapy theories can get terribly complex and the complexities can be either terribly exciting or frustratingly boring to get into. Either way, it's easy for things to get too mental so that you miss the wood for the trees--you miss the client, and therefore fail to meet him or her as they are, right here and right now. Energy work is a real time phenomenon. How someone thinks and feels affects their energy; I may be predominantly a bodyworker, but there's a lot more to energy work than just the body.

This is, for me, the heart of what biodynamic massage is about. In one way, it's incredibly simple. Meet the client in the here and how--bodily, mentally, energetically, emotionally, spiritually (whatever the latter means to you)--and energy flows. Fail to do so, and things stagnate; old patterns of resistance continue to do their thing within the client's system, and nothing changes. It's not just a way of adding the often rather trite holistic label to my practice; it's absolutely fundamental.

Biodynamic massage involves relaxation for sure, but not in the sense of becoming still (nor it is about instilling some energising effect within someone; so many people seem to hear dynamic as invigorating). It's about a more dynamic relaxation--an inner relaxation into life, whatever it holds. Activity levels--experiences--will rise and fall because that's their very nature, to change. Challenges will appear in our lives (and even in my treatment room!). Joy, sadness, grief, anger and fear are inevitable. Biodynamic massage is about helping people to find themselves within all this change--trusting that they can weather the storms of life, that there is some part of them that will emerge unscathed. They can then stop holding on (in all senses of the phrase), start to relax into life, and thus become more alive. And--note--this means they feel more alive themselves--not just because I say they're that way.

Or at least that's how I see it. Ask another biodynamic massage therapist and they might give you a completely different explanation!